Your boy back again. Cancer Man out and that shit classic, can’t nobody tell me differently LOL. But for real I released this project in the midst of deep self work. That’s really what the album was about, knowing yourself. This year in 2022 I committed to being a better version of myself everyday.It’s been rough, a lot of anxiety and doubt. It’s going to be that way you’re cutting out things you’re used to doing, breaking bad habits and retraining your mind to overcome your ways. Some days are great, some days are fucking hard. I remember in March like two weeks after release I was just in the crib shaking. I was laying on my floor shaking, sweating and worrying. Paranoid. I couldn’t tell you what I was afraid of but I was afraid. I prayed and meditated, I did everything and then I came to this realization that I’m just growing. Growth is painful. My mind was so used to being stimulated by some sort of drug or alcohol when I was going through something that when it wasn’t feeling that stimulation I became uncomfortable. I wasn’t enjoying anything I usually enjoyed. Writing music, video games, talking to my loved ones, anything you name it. I wasn’t depressed or down on myself at all. I was just disconnected. My body wasn’t caught up to where my mind was at. I couldn’t sleep and I was anxious. It got easier as I started to accept that this was just growth. Still dealing with anxiety today but it’s a battle everyday with mind and body. My body wants what it’s used to while my mind wants different. It’s war, but this is warfare I embrace. If you’re not experiencing any type of discomfort or unfamiliar feelings then you’re not really growing, so embrace it. 

I would always label a day that didn’t go my way as a BAD DAY. I now know that’s false. The days that don’t really go our way aren’t because they are bad, it’s just because God wanted to teach us something that day. I mean for real think about it, if everyday went our way what would we learn? How would we grow? It’s impossible. I tell people all the time that God has his way of getting our attention. He’s going to use everybody and everything that we love to get our attention. Same reason we been dealing with this pandemic for so long, we still not listening. I was having a rough patch like I said before in March, like the whole month really and I was thinking I was just having a string of bad days but I’m here on the other side as proof that they weren’t bad days. They were just lessons. All God wanted me to do was trust him with my life. Trust that he’ll do everything I need to make me better. Trust that he would reveal. Trust that I’ll be just fine after making the changes in my life that needed to be made. I wasn’t doing that. I was fighting it and that was triggering the anxiety, even still now when I fight what God is teaching me I feel the anxiety. The key is to let go and be careful with attaching anything negative to your life. Labeling a day as bad is a negative and that becomes contagious. So I challenge you, the next time you have a “bad day” to take a second and ask “what is God trying to teach me?” Hopefully that helps you just as it is helping me.

As I draw closer back to God and the spirit, I have begun to struggle heavily with making sure the art I put out aligns with my faith. I’m no saint and will never claim to be but I am a firm believer in God. I want people to see me and know that I know God. I want people to hear my music and know that I know God. I want people to hear me speak and know that I know God. I struggle with that because I know sometimes my art doesn’t necessarily glorify God the traditional way. I like to be dark and honest in my music because I feel like that’s what listeners need to hear to understand my relationship with the higher power. I can’t sugar coat my life and things I go through like the church does. I can’t change the way I talk or carry myself. I can’t do none of that because God doesn’t want me to do that. He wants me to be myself but the best version of myself. I got a little disconnected earlier this year but I’m back on track with my prayer life and effort. I got lost in the changes being made and caused me to even question my own faith. As I continue to create music I’m reassuring not only my talent but my purpose and why God placed me here. I just pray the art continues to align.

This won’t be long. I fucking hate social media. I hate the fact that I have to use this shit to promote my art. I hate the fact I have to post everyday to keep my art in your face. It’s dumb. I love my world. I love the people in my world and I don’t really care about what’s going on outside of that. I hate logging in and seeing people post every single thing their doing. I hate seeing people competing with one another. I hate seeing people trying to create an image when we know the real you. I hate the amount of information being shared everyday, I can’t keep up. I hate the rumors. I hate the he say, she say. I hate the opinions. I hate it. I’m at the point now where I don’t have it attached it to my phone. I’m on here for a second to share some news and I’m out. Fuck this shit. Damn I sound like a hating ass nigga but I’m not I just hate social media. It’s addicting and killing our minds slowly. We got access to too much. I encourage you to put this shit down and take a break, live real life.

I’m taking the rest of this year to handle business and attain everything I said I would. That includes getting these visuals out, shopping Cancer Man around and getting on that stage as much as possible. I’m really locked into being the best Justin I can be. Right now that’s all that matters. My mental health and my relationship with God are the most important. As I continue to put my efforts into those things, the art will continue to reflect that. I know myself but I want to continue to know more about myself. See you soon.

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