Last time we spoke I was practicing balance and stability and I’m back to say…..this shit is harder than I thought it would be. I’m about 90 songs into the recording process for THE CANCER MAN and these songs have been guiding me through this journey. It’s been about two months since I started the journey of finding balance and stability and shit has changed so much. I’m finding peace but there’s pain in finding that. I realized finding these things means you need patience, resiliency and discipline.


You ever felt passionate in the heat of an argument that you want to just cry or damage something because someone isn’t seeing your view? That’s how the last few months have felt. I’m passionate about the way people think and passionate about transforming their minds into thinking higher. I’m passionate about my family. I’m passionate about my faith. I’m passionate about my music. How the fuck am I supposed to balance all this passion? It’s definitely been hard. Life been going nonstop. It feels like days are becoming minutes and the minutes are becoming seconds. Feels like I’m running out of time. So yes, when you feel short of time you start to rush in a sense. And I’m doing better with accepting the days as they come instead of rushing to accomplish everything in one day. That’s the type of patience I prayed for. I have to push myself to say no to myself when I feel like I am trying to do too much. I have to be patient and manage my time better so that I’m not overextending myself as well as burning myself out. I have a lot of life I want to live so patience is key to not only living that life, but enjoying it. Now I find peace in setting certain days to write tons of songs and certain days to record. I’m at peace with the days I do completely nothing but think. It’s that type of balance that’s going to help me advance as an artist and an individual.


I used to get knocked down and stay down until I was ready to get up but recently I been getting right the fuck up. You can’t become who and what you want to be by waiting for someone to pick you up every time that you fall. I been practicing that since the summer. I been practicing taking the punches that life throws and fighting right back. Take a loss? Find a way to win next time. Fail? Find a way to succeed next time? Song not coming out how I expected? Go write a better version. Beats not really connecting? Keep listening until one does. Even in the gym I’ve been practicing being resilient. A rep gets too hard and I can’t finish the rep? Now I’m going to do two more reps just because. That’s what life is about. It’s about pushing yourself through the hard times and CHALLENGING YOURSELF to do better. When finding balance and stability you really have to challenge yourself each day to do things differently than you used to. I had to stop holding myself back and stop feeling bad for myself for the mistakes I’ve made in the past. I had to look in the mirror and remind myself who I am and what I represent. One thing about me is I never quit. But another thing about me is sometimes I wait too long thinking about the next move after an issue arises instead of just making the move. Now, I’m just making the move and trusting God. As humans we often overthink the right choices and decisions and miss out on blessings. I will no longer do that to myself. This resiliency I’m writing you about is the resiliency that has me making the best music I’ve ever made.


See I went to church one Sunday and the Pastor was saying how when you get on the right path, the devil begins to throw things in your way or put things in your mind that you no longer want there. Weird stuff began happening and I had to pause in the moment and ask why is this happening? See sometimes we just react without thinking and that’s an unhealthy habit to have. You have to digest every situation before reacting to it, that way you’re creating a response and not a reaction. You get me? That takes DISCIPLINE. Like I said earlier life has been throwing curveball after curveball but I’ve built up the discipline to respond versus reacting. To bring this into perspective, last year on most of my rough days I would just drink to “relax my mind” but I would wake up with the same things on my mind not really solving anything. I said forget all that this year because I wanted to feel the emotion and deal with the issues head on. It’s November 2021 and I can count on my hand how many drinks I’ve had this whole year; with one of those times being my 25th. That takes discipline. So much has happened this year and I’ve responded in healthy ways. I’ve written songs, I’ve called those close to me, I’ve went to the studio for hours and shit I’ve played video games for hours. I’ve trained my mind to respond instead of react. The thought of liquor doesn’t even cross my mind anymore. The thought of what makes me happy crosses my mind in every situation now. That’s healthy. No matter what or who the devil uses to try and bring you down, pause in the situation, gather your thoughts and respond in the healthiest way. Trust me, you’ll be thanking me.

Trust your gut feelings and most importantly trust God. Stop thinking so much. You waste a lot of time thinking. Make it happen. See you soon, very soon.