My name is Jus10 and yes I am a CANCER MAN.
I’m at the point in my life where I want stability. Stability in all aspects of my life including friendships, relationships, finance, work, faith and music. I’ve noticed that in order to reach the level of stability I want, I have to be honest with myself. I’m an empath, I’m a people pleaser and I always put other people’s problems ahead of mine. I’m emotional and I’m sensitive, which often leads to self destruction for me. Over this past summer I have been working at putting my needs before others’ needs and learning to say NO. I’ve realized that if I never learn to say no and practice saying yes to myself that I will never have stability. It takes 21 days to make or break a habit and it has been a journey thus far. When you are used to doing certain things and reacting certain ways, it’s almost like going through withdrawals. It’s important for me to feel those emotions. It’s important to my music but also important to my growth as a man. There are days when I have to check myself to remind myself that I am searching for stability. I have to remind myself I pray for stability so when things do not go as planned, I know it is ultimately a blessing from God to help me become more stable.
Balance has become a focal point for my mental health. I thought that doing 100 different things was good for my mental state but I’ve learned that staying so busy and tied up with work is just putting things off to the side until it all stops. I would hate for all my emotions to hit at once. So I decided that after the summer of 2021, I would refocus on myself and what I love the most outside of God and my family, MUSIC. I put my company Self Care Together to the side to rededicate my love and passion into my craft. I haven’t given up on it, let’s just say I’m recharging my batteries. Energy is important with everything. I only have 24 hours each day, I only have seven days a week and I only have 365 days a year to complete tasks. Sounds like a lot of time but it isn’t. I thought cramming everything to complete things in time was a testament to my hard work but in reality it showed my lack of patience. With patience comes balance and now instead of trying to complete everything I am focusing on completing a goal at a time. At 25 years old, my main goal is to become a mainstream artist, there is no way I can become that without balance. Everyday I’m strengthening my balance with family, friends, love and work. I will continue to do so each day.
I’m not sure what to say about love but I know I have a lot of love in me. I was raised based off love and affection. Watching my parents stay married for 35 years inspires me to do the same. Today a lot of my peers and associates don’t believe in the idea of love. Not just relationships but friendships as well. I can easily blame social media for the disconnect but I’m starting to believe that pain and trauma are the cause. How do I know? I have a lot of pain and trauma I have not dealt with that sometimes shuts me down emotionally. Pain from heartbreak and pain from loss. Loss of family or loss of friends. My earliest memories involve funerals. With all my grandparents gone and losing my aunt at such a young age, I grew up thinking that everybody is temporary. Switching schools in middle school three times also played a factor in me holding my guard up and not letting anyone in because here I am at 25 years old waiting for unexpected change. I’m noticing the same in people that I know. It’s not that we don’t want to be loved or have the feeling of love, we just don’t have the belief in it. Everybody wants to be loved and cared for, that’s why we live. As I said earlier, yes I was raised to show love and give love and I do that with everyone in my life. Often times I just do not know how to receive their love which in turn causes me to become distant. I’m working on that and I pray that if you are reading this that you are too.
We all felt some type of pain in our lives. No matter how big or small, pain is pain. Pain shapes you. Pain molds you. Pain helps you grow. I’m learning to embrace my pain and embrace the pain that I’ve caused to others. I was either a blessing from God to someone or a test from the devil to someone. God works hard but people forget the devil is a hard working spirit as well. All the times someone causes me pain I have to sit and question the situation. Is this the devil trying to bring me down or is this God’s way of helping me become who he intends me to be? Honestly it’s hard to discern between the two but you have to ultimately trust in God in each situation. You’ll know it’s the devil if you are having feelings of fear and anger. You’ll know it’s God if you’re feeling peace. The way I look at pain now is peace. I’m at peace with my pain from the past that I have endured or caused and I am at peace with the pain I will endure or cause in the future. I don’t want to cause any pain but I know I will let someone down who may need me and I can’t be there, it’s just a part of life.
Stability, balance, pain and love. I can’t wait to share an update with how far I’ve come with my upcoming project, THE CANCER MAN. See you soon.